


The Very Secret Diary of Bobby Singer, Hunter

by FayJay



Series: Very Secret Diaries [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-04
Updated: 2009-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:58:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayJay/pseuds/FayJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The concept for this owes more than a little to Sue Townsend and Cassandra Clare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Secret Diary of Bobby Singer, Hunter

September 10th, 2008  
Salted and burned bones of Jonas Ezekial Evans. Miss Evans reports no further problems with spirits. Celebrated with little drink or two. Or three.

September 11th, 2008  
Emergency! Finished last bottle of whisky. Made shopping list: Whisky, rock salt, bread, engine oil, whisky, bullets, cardamom, silver, liverwort, beans, whisky.

September 12th, 2008  
Olivia called round to borrow some silver bullets. Thinks I'm drinking too much. Says I need a hobby. Told her I have a hobby. Says drinking whisky doesn't count.

September 13th, 2008  
Watched _'Trading Spaces'_ on TV. Paige Davis hot. Decided to do some home improvement.

September 14th, 2008  
Half way through building demon-proof, ghost-proof, every-damn-thing-I-can-think-of-proof panic room. Watched _'10'_. Dudley Moore annoying little man. Bo Derek needs to call me.

September 15th, 2008  
Put final touch on panic room. Celebrated with little drink. Very nice. Think will write to _'Trading Spaces'_, ask to be on show. Rest of house needs woman's touch, and Paige Davis very touchable woman.

September 17th, 2008  
Finished last of whisky. Considered alphabetising books. Bought more whisky instead.

September 19, 2008  
Dean Winchester back from grave! Not demon, shapeshifter or revenant! Also not halucination brought on by whisky! Never knew such a family for clawing their way back from death! Says he don't know how he got busted out of Hell. Must've been Sam. That idjit! Not crying. Had something in my eye.

(later)  
Sam getting lucky with the ladies, but swears he didn't bring Dean back from grave. Very worrying. Slipped both boys a slug of holy water in their beer, just to be on safe side. Nothing. Will ask Pamela Barnes for help. Pamela clever woman, excellent psychic, also v. hot. Think might ask her out for a beer or two, after all this.

(later)  
I have no luck with women.

(later)  
“Castiel.” Thought that was part of Spain? Evidently not. Cannot think of any demons called Castiel, but this thing is serious badass. Dean Winchester says he has a cunning plan. Unfortunately, is total idjit, and wouldn't know a cunning plan if one sneaked up on him and shot him in the ass with a load of rock salt. Plan is completely lacking in cunning. Involves ringing dinner bell and poking monster with a pointy knife. This family will be death of me. Wish I knew how to quit them.

September 20th, 2008  
Big surprise! Dean Winchester raised from Hell by an actual bona fide angel! Looks more like a door-to-door salesman than Roma Downey, but seems to have serious mojo, and crush on Dean. Think this probably good thing? Am going to cut back on whisky. Might ask Olivia around for a beer or two, show her my panic room. Will need to tidy up first.

September 21st, 2008  
Olivia dead. Really do have no luck with women. Also, hate ghosts. Really fucking _hate_ ghosts. But at least the Winchester boys like the panic room. Wonder if should install water bed, try brightening place up with flowers? Make it into more of a love nest? Might call Ellen up, invite her over for beer...although, judging by recent track record, this probably death sentence. Damn.

September 30th, 2008  
Put down a Wendigo. Go me.

October 5nd, 2008  
Tamara called, asking about zombies.

October 12th, 2008  
Sam Winchester called. Dean Winchester has ghost fever. Idjits. Drank whole bottle of whisky. Next day, vowed to stop drinking whisky, but those boys are enough to drive any man to drink. Cannot believe idjit boy already gotten himsef into heap of trouble, contracted fatal disease. Took some valium, got into truck and drove over to save their sorry asses. Again.

October 16th, 2008,  
Designed and built new, more efficient crossbow. V. good.

November 1st, 2008  
Dean Winchester called to ask for Pamela's phone number. Need help with this crazy girl who's seeing visions, got herself hip-deep in trouble with some evil sons of bitches. Warned him he'd need to be seriously charming, but she _is_ back in the game, and don't think she'd thank me for scaring away clients. Still suggested flowers, maybe candy good idea.

November 2nd, 2008  
Sam Winchester called to ask if I know any weapon that will kill an angel. Said no. Asked if they were in trouble. Sam said was nothing to worry about, and hung up. Worried. Wondered if Castiel's crush on Dean getting out of hand? Or what? Worried some more. Considered whisky. Meditated, took valium and got an early night. With large glass of whisky.

November 8th, 2008  
Heard back from _Trading Spaces_. They are not looking for more contestants at this time.

November 11th, 2008  
Leroy Maddison called round to look through books for information on Redcaps. Spent evening chewing the fat, playing cards, catching up. Finished whisky.

November 13th, 2008  
Decided to start learning Urdu. Some interesting texts in Urdu, but hate reading things in translation - translators always make a mess of things, one way or other. Think people being poetic and creative - not realise people describing _real_ monsters, and need to know exact details of how to kill the S.O.B.s if want to avoid messy death.

November 23rd, 2008,  
Helped Jo Harvelle take down a werewolf. Good kid – can't believe how fast they grow! Asked after her mother.

December 2nd, 2008,  
Researching sirens for John's boys. What am I, library? Got phone call from FBI Agent Nick Monroe, checking Winchesters' credentials. Did a little checking. Is no FBI agent named Nick Monroe. Idjits! Considered whisky. Meditated, took valium, did some soothing tai chi and then, when feeling calm and centred, got in truck and floored gas to save their damn fool asses again. Hope John appreciates all the running around his boys have me doing. Was very close thing. Again.

December 21st, 2008  
Phone call from Dean Winchester, telling me Pamela Barnes dead. Finished bottle of whisky.

December 23rd, 2008  
Pamela's funeral. Pretty good crowd. Wore my good suit. Wish I was better with words at time like this. Too many times like this. Ellen Harvelle was there, asked me to join her and Jo for Christmas day, if had no other plans. Life short, Ellen hot. Said yes.

December 26th, 2008  
Maybe my luck with women not so bad after all! There's life in the old dog yet! Feeling v. chipper! Gave Ellen four protective amulets afterwards, though, just to be on safe side. Came away with tupperware of leftover turkey and sweet potatoes. Christmas not so bad. Have not heard from Winchesters for several days – wonder what mess they have gotten themselves into without me? Idjits.

FINIS


End file.
